John Carter (2012)

After ten years of endless searching, John finally realizes that he will never be able to return to Barsoom without Ned’s help.

In the year of 1881, a young man, Edgar Burroughs (Daryl Sabara) has come to New York City to visit with his uncle John Carter (Taylor Kitsch). Upon arrival he learns that his uncle John has suddenly passed away, and named Edgar as sole beneficiary to his estate. The attorney concludes by passing over John’s private journal, and explaining that he left explicit instructions for only Edgar to read the contents. The journal tells of a tale that began 13 years ago. However, it actually takes us back even farther, back in fact to 1868. You see, John Carter was a highly decorated civil war veteran from Virginia. He served his country well, and then laid claim to his land for mining gold and becoming filthy rich. But his life took a turn when he was arrested and refused to enlist in the US Army. After a short Blue Coat and Indian adventure in the Arizona desert, John takes shelter in an inviolable cavern full of gold, but his safety is short-lived there as well and he is attacked by an alien, a Thern. The Thern has a glowing medallion and is using his last dying breath to recite a verse; John grabs the medal and repeats the last word. In an instant, he’s waking up all alone, back out in the desert somewhere, but everything looks so strange and he doesn’t remember ever being here before.

OMG, it’s so funny watching him try to walk! He takes a step then flies through the air and violently crashes back down onto the ground. But he soon learns how to navigate as he makes his way to the mountains in the distance. That’s when he realizes he’s really not alone, in fact, he’s being chased, but they are not the same Indians he escaped from earlier! They’re not on horses, and they’re not even humans, they are Tharks (giant green creatures).

Yes, so strange indeed, though he doesn't know it yet, John has managed to slip through a portal; he left Earth and is now on Barsoom, Mars. The Tharks have come to retrieve hatchlings that will be raise to become work animals, they see John and think he’s a white worm so they try to kill him. But Tars Tarkas, the Jeddak (King of the Tharks), has found the medallion and has seen John jump, he thinks John will be more valuable as a pet. So he orders Tal Hajus and the others to stand down, they later collect John and the hatchlings and take them to their kingdom. John is given to Sola (Tarkas’s daughter), but later he is sent to the Thark’s dungeon when he refuses to jump for Tarkas. While there, Sola gives John a special drink and suddenly he can speak and understand her language, he also meets and protects Woola (a dog like creature that becomes his loyal pet).

Like a boy and his puppy; at first John thought this monster was going to eat him, so he broke free from his chains and jumped to a higher ledge, but Woola beat him there. He jumped even higher and again, Willa was already there panting and wiggling with excitement.

The next day Sola is punished for John’s escape, and he is given another chance to jump for Tarkas, but before he can refuse again, spaceships fly across the sky. Tarkas orders all Tharks to take cover in the rocks and he begins to explain. The Red Men of Barsoom are at war, Zodanga is winning but Helium is still in the fight. While they watch, John sees a female thrown from a ship, he realizes she is human and leaps up into the sky to rescue her. He makes his way to the highest Red Flagged ship and fights Sab Than (Dominic West), the leader of the Zodangan army. Sab has been chosen by the Goddess of Barsoom, to become Ruler of all Barsoom. She has sent three Therns (her loyal servants) to guide and assist Sab in his quest to take over the world.    John victoriously returns to the ground and to Tarkas who is so proud of this pet, that he renames John as Dotar Sojat (my right arms) and announces that he will now fight for the Tharks. But again, John wants nothing to do with anyone’s war; Tarkas explains that if he denies this title, harm will befall his red woman. Well, of course John accepts the honor and claims his prize, Dejah Thoris (Lynn Collins). Later he will learn that Dejah is the princess of Helium. Zodanga was about to demolish Helium, they offered only one demand to spare the great kingdom, so with no other choice her father, the Jeddak granted her hand in marriage to Sab Than. But Dejah is also defiant, she believed there had to be a better way to save their kingdom than to marry an evil man that she despised and dare not trust. So she escaped and tried to kill Sab Than, and that’s how she came to fall from the spaceship on the day John saved her.

As time passes, Tal Hajus finally gets his chance to challenge Tars Tarkas, and as victor he becomes the new Jeddak of the Tharks. On the other side of the world, Sab Than’s patience pays off, and he gains possession of both Dejah and John Carter, then plots forward for a royal wedding. 

We have a saying here on Earth “Never count your chickens before they hatch.” Apparently they don’t have that saying on Barsoom, if they did; the Thern Matai Shang (Mark Strong) might not have disclosed Sab’s final plans for Dejah. You see, knowledge is power, and power is priceless! 

But this is where I stop; I never enjoy telling the whole story to the end. Instead, I urge all to go and see this movie, and I promise you’ll not be disappointed.